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Mysterious Circumstances

The uniforms had pastries
and patted their paunches
while he grilled the maid who found
the stiff floating unconcious
poor old Riff can't solve a case
can't pass the Seargant's exam
if he can't crack this one it's back
to Bunko busting tourist scams
the widow Rita stood to inherit
the house on a seaside bluff
but surely others had reasons
to see her husband snuffed
those cliffs are all scaly
with smooth individuals
living of fat trust funds
and portfolio residuals

Riff scratched a match on new wingtips
and took a lazy look around
he saw a Jag covered in the garage
while the maid gave Rita a rubdown
but who fed ground chuck and prozac
to the family border collie
who was that shadow on the beach
with a crate and loading dolly
Rita said her and Kenny
were close as Cuban eyebrows
they wed after a whirlwind romance
Maya Angelou wrote their vows
when Kenny met Rita
she was just a college tart
pole dancing for panty tips
turquoise earrings and a teflon heart

Kenny fell hard that weekend
down in Ft. Lauderdale
Rita's fake accent was foreign,
she liked Chanelle and Ralph Lauren
and had nipples like roofing nails
but she was crude and coarse
he was sweet talking and suave
but soon her pink n purple bikinis
all became fuscia and mauve
well, it came down from the captain
the election was a three-way race
the DA wanted Kenny's coffin
to be an open and shut case
so Riff snooped around the beach
hearing tales of insurance and China White
Concorde shopping trips to Paris
and jealous tempers like dynamite

one surfer hated the maid
said she crazy, said she was Wiccan
saw her dancing through a window
waving incense and dead chickens
the partial print on the pill jar
the maid giving a Penthouse massage
fresh gullshit on a car
they said never leaves the garage
he thought he had it figgered
but one loose end still dangled
who was the bloody corner
of that black triangle
Riff nursed a couple of drinks
then drove back up that night
that house crouched like a gargoyle
on the bluff in the moonlight

he found a suicide note
curled up by a printer
it looked like she slit her wrists
to free the roses of winter
but something slipp'ry went by
like a snake, like an eel
he whirled but the last thing he heard
was the squeak of dolly wheels
the sea knows it won't be made
an honest woman by the moon
so why should she care if Rita
swept her footprints from the dunes
well, it didn't take as long
for the rich to digest the crimes
as it did for that hammerhead shark
to digest poor Riff's new Florsheim's

(c)2002 Robert George


[This message has been edited by couchgrouch (edited 06-12-2002).]